Parents,

We honor you for everything that you do for your children. Even though they don't always see it (or appreciate it) you make a tremendous difference in their lives. And above all else, we appreciate (being parents of teens ourselves) that your role is not always an easy or pleasant one. It is sometimes full of all different types of thoughts and feelings: frustration, anger, disappointment, helplessness, among many others depending on the moment. 

 Parenting teens and young adults can be overwhelming and challenging, especially when emotions run high between us and our children. How we as parents navigate these moments can make a tremendous difference in our relationship with our children and ourselves.  

Here are five best practices that we have learned both first hand (and from working with hundreds of parents) to help you respond calmly in difficult moments and foster authentic connection with your children:

• Take a Moment to Breathe and Check-in With Yourself
  Before reacting, intentionally pause, take a few deep breaths, and check-in with yourself. This simple act can calm your nervous system, unhook you from your thoughts and feelings, giving you the space and perspective to  see more clearly what is needed in this moment to move forward with the appropriate response, instead of an emotional reaction. Removing yourself physically from the space with your child is extremely helpful - go to your bedroom, get out for a walk or a drive, and regroup.

• Listen with Empathy
  Practice listening to your child's perspective, with a curious and nonjudgmental mindset - even if you don’t agree. Empathy helps teens and young adults feel heard and understood, which can diffuse tension and create an environment of trust. This trust can lead to your child portraying more vulnerability and open conversations. Remember as human beings, we all want to know that we are loved and accepted unconditionally. 

• Use "I" Statements
  Try expressing your feelings without blame by using "I" statements, such as "I feel worried when..." This approach avoids placing blame and opens up a more constructive dialogue.

• Get Clarity and Align with a Shared Purpose 
  One of the most effective ways to navigate a stressful moment or conversation is to align with a shared purpose. What's something that's important to the both of you?  Noticing this will help shift the perspective to something that you both share in common (instead of the differences) so that you can both navigate a path forward together as a team. This is a good time as well to recall being a young adult yourself, how hard it was at times, and what you wanted your parents to understand about you at that time.

• Reconnect After the Conflict
  After emotions settle, it's important for parents to check in with their teens and rebuild connection. This can be through a simple conversation, apology, or spending time together, reminding both that the relationship is more important than the argument. This is a perfect opportunity to connect with a shared purpose, maybe eating together at a restaurant to both love, going to a favorite store, playing a game or watching a movie you both enjoy. 

These strategies guide parents to approach conflicts thoughtfully, ultimately fostering stronger bonds and shared understanding. But remember that parents are human and we don't always show up the way we intend to! If you do react with anger or frustration with your child, use it as an opportunity to model what you want for them -  take responsibility for your actions, apologize authentically and maybe explain why you think you got upset ("I" statements), and most of all, have grace with yourself, and them.

We're all in this together:)

With Love, 

Erin and Chris